How I Feel About Myself

      When you are younger you don't see what adults do. We grew up in a society that thinks beauty is all about size. Sitting back and thinking about how I was when I was younger, I miss that. I believed no matter what anyone said to me I was beautiful. Being a kid and not sure what was going on around you because you are too young to understand. Talking to people for who they are not because of what they look like.

      Miles Lane was probably the best for me. I had no care in the world. I was who I was and if you did not like me oh well. I believed I was the most beautiful girl in the world. I believed I was a strong young lady who would never give up. I was teased a lot but it never really bothered me. I was use to it. Call me all the names you want I still will believe I am beautiful.

     Middle School was a little different. The things that were said to me because stronger. More powerful to get into my head and thoughts. 5th grade I started to think less of myself. The negative things were hard to hear. The old saying "sticks and stones may brake my bones but words will never hurt me" I started to think was wrong.
 and way over weight."

      Sophomore year was better. I went to a psychiatrist to find out why I had slight depression. For the first time I talked to an adult about being bullied. I opened that bottled up feelings and felt better but was also crying. I was able to understand why words hurt more now then in the past.

      I bottled all my feeling up and the bulling because worse. All because of society. I was not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or even thin enough. I never spoke about my feelings. I never told a teacher I was bullied. Telling on kids was not my thing.

     8th grade year was when my depression kicked in. Milled but still depression. I would not talk to many people and I gave up on believing I was beautiful. It never seemed to work when those that bullied me for years starting to tell me what I use to believe. Headaches and Migraines came along. I started missing a few days of school because I could not deal with it.

      High School freshman year was pretty good other then the upper class men picking on me because of my weight. No matter what happened that year if someone started talking about being fat when they have nothing to them. I flipped out them saying "At least you are not a walking whale. You are thin and beautiful. You look nothing like me who is standing here over the weight limit at her age.

   11th grade year and 12th grade is much better. I started to get some faith back in me. I started to believe I was beautiful again. Granted it was hard for me and still is to this day. I am going to be 18 in May and I am sitting here today still unable to take a complement about my looks without insulting myself.

   Being Bullied is never fun. That is why I only speak the truth. I never talk trash about someone else. I might point out the truth about that person and it might sound mean. But at least I am truthful. I will tell someone if I don't like them. I will tell someone if something mean was said about them. I ONLY speak the truth.

    Something for you to think about. If you have ever been bullied, and now are the one who is bulling. Think about how you felt when you were bullied. It does not feel good. Say you are sorry to those you hurt. It will help them and will help you feel better about what you did. Never bully others no matter how much you don't like them.